Every time you see Donald Trump, he’s complaining about fake news, but the following news is real, gleaned from Brunswick police reports.

 

Usually, we reporters dig deeper to get as many facts as we can, but not this time because the real story can’t be as interesting as the synopsis. Let’s start with one from a liquor store.


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“Complainant called and said people were using 10-60 around business.”

This one’s a mystery. A search of the police radio 10 codes say that 10-60 means there’s an ambulance squad in the vicinity. I think maybe it should have read that people were doing 10-No. 1, but who knows.

A report of a theft from a convenience store says simply, “A [man] took a beer.”

The evidence may have been 10-60ed into the bushes somewhere before police arrived. Good luck collecting it.

“Argument between an older male and his drug dealer that he owes $60 to. ‘Victim’ refused to pursue the matter and just wanted to leave,” the report says.

If the police show up while I’m trying to strong arm an old man over a drug debt, I’m going to try to convince the officer the disagreement was actually about the Atlanta Braves’ chances of a winning season. Nothing to see here, officer.

“Officer completed crash report in reference to a Glynn Middle School teacher striking a walking student with the mirror of his personal vehicle.”

Someone should sue the maker of the vehicle for not having the warning, “Students in the mirror are closer than they appear.” Happily there were no reports of a serious injury.

“Officers responded to a 4 year old missing from the store. While officers were on the way, child was found hiding on a shelf.”

Happily, the kid wasn’t in the frozen food section. I can identify with this one. When she was that age, our daughter Jessica took great pleasure in hiding from us in malls and stores. Vonette found a coiled tether with Velcro wrist bands at the ends intended to prevent such things. Once, Vonette was looking at clothes on a circular rack and Jessica dived underneath. When she tried to move on, Vonette found she was tethered to the rack. Luckily, Jessica hadn’t gone far because she wanted to stay and watch the fun.

“Male observed laying next to the road. Officers arrived and male advised he was waiting for ants and a rattlesnake to get him. Male was advised he needed to move on and advised he was going to Salvation Army.”

This does seem fake. I can’t imagine having to wait long for fire ants anywhere in Southeast Georgia. Happily, rattlesnakes aren’t as plentiful.

“Store clerk at [a convenience store] accused male of taking a sandwich, heating it up in the microwave and leaving without paying. Officers located and detained the suspect until security footage could be reviewed. Footage showed male bringing the sandwich inside the store and using the microwave to heat it up. He was released.”

I searched for a Georgia law against theft of heat and came up with nothing.

“Complainant requested police due to her teenage son being angry about the shirt she picked out for him to wear. Officer mediated the issue and gave the juvenile a ride to school.”

This is the very definition of community policing. Let’s hope it’s the last ride the teen ever takes in a police car.

“Complainant reported that a female stole his vehicle and his pants.”

I’m not sure I want to know the rest of this story at all, such as how the female came to be possession of said vehicle and alleged pants. I also wonder if he was just caught walking around without pants.

And as Paul Harvey never said, that’s less than half of the story.

terry.dickson@jacksonville.com; (912) 264-0405